IttyBitty Blog

The world according to Andrea

post part-doom

on January 6, 2010

There are some things about child birth that I found to be unexpected when I had Nathan, five and a half years ago.  I had wanted a baby so badly and I thought that everything would be so pleasant and wonderful once I had one.  I had fantasized about holding him for the first time and imagined that instant “bond” that  I would experience.  Boy did I have it wrong.

I saw an add for a book online concerning postpartum depression, “It Sucked, and then I Cried”.  Funny at first glance, but rings oh so true for me.

The worst part about having a baby is the uncontrollable sadness that I feel after wards.  The worst part about the sadness is the terrible guilt that you have for having the sadness at a time when you are “supposed” to be happy.

Fortunately, after my first baby, I somewhat knew what to expect when I had my second and now my third.  Unfortunately, expecting it doesn’t make it any easier.

I try to put on a happy face and get on with things, but I think that the sadness must be showing on my face.  Several people asked me if I was “ok” yesterday.   I said that I was…which is the truth, I am “ok”.  I’m just not myself.  I am in a breast-feeding, sleep deprived, diaper changing, c-section pained fog that I’d like to get out of.

It feels as though I’ve been in this fog for at least a month, but it’s only been two weeks.  I’m expecting the fog to lift soon thanks to some “happy pills” I got at the doctor.  Thank goodness for modern medicine.


3 responses to “post part-doom

  1. Becki says:

    I think we can all relate to the new baby sleep deprived breast feeding mama… Breastfeeding is WAY harder then bottle feeding and no one ever told me that. I felt like all I did was nurse the baby.. change diapers… feed the baby again then throw in the other children, making dinner, doing wash, running the kids everywhere, homework, soccer, and everyone is sleeping but me and I’m the one doing everything… GRRR Yeah, I have been there and I can SO feel for ya girl… Talon didn’t sleep through the night until I stopped breastfeeding him at 13 months and he still wakes up at least twice a night …. my advice – Have your mom or a good friend come over- make some meals to have on hand and you take a nap…. Sleep is a mommies best friend!!!! AS far as the breastfeeding.. It got easier with each passing month and I am SO happy I stuck it out.. Talon has been my healthiest child ☺
    If I were closer I would come help ya and take the kids… I really really feel for ya sweetie… Remember this will pass!
    Lots of Love!

  2. kris says:

    Happy pills are a wonderful invention and if you need them, take them!!

  3. Jen says:

    Take the drugs. The one thing that I did not do was take them like I was suppose to an I am still paying for it 6 months later. If you need to talk please call.

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