There are some things about child birth that I found to be unexpected when I had Nathan, five and a half years ago. I had wanted a baby so badly and I thought that everything would be so pleasant and wonderful once I had one. I had fantasized about holding him for the first time and imagined that instant “bond” that I would experience. Boy did I have it wrong.
I saw an add for a book online concerning postpartum depression, “It Sucked, and then I Cried”. Funny at first glance, but rings oh so true for me.
The worst part about having a baby is the uncontrollable sadness that I feel after wards. The worst part about the sadness is the terrible guilt that you have for having the sadness at a time when you are “supposed” to be happy.
Fortunately, after my first baby, I somewhat knew what to expect when I had my second and now my third. Unfortunately, expecting it doesn’t make it any easier.
I try to put on a happy face and get on with things, but I think that the sadness must be showing on my face. Several people asked me if I was “ok” yesterday. I said that I was…which is the truth, I am “ok”. I’m just not myself. I am in a breast-feeding, sleep deprived, diaper changing, c-section pained fog that I’d like to get out of.
It feels as though I’ve been in this fog for at least a month, but it’s only been two weeks. I’m expecting the fog to lift soon thanks to some “happy pills” I got at the doctor. Thank goodness for modern medicine.