I have a problem. I should say, I’ve had a problem my whole life.
You see, I’m fat.
I’ve always been fat. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t fat. I was even born fat! (10 pounds 10 1/2 ounces)
Some of my fat can be explained (rationalized) by the fact that I have a thyroid issue and PCOS (polysystic ovarian syndrome). I could blame it on my three pregnancies (but truth be told, I actually lost weight when pregnant). I might want to blame my genetic code, or my parents for making me go on weight watchers when I was 10. I could blame them all.
But, the truth is that I have no one to blame but myself.
I have an eating disorder, only not the kind that makes you skinny. The other kind. I eat too much. I binge and don’t purge. I can’t stop myself.
I have done unthinkable things at times. I once hid a cake in the bathroom. I’ve eaten food from the top of the garbage can (just like George on Seinfeld). I have kept secret “stashes” of food.
I eat when I’m happy, I eat when I’m sad. I use food to celebrate, I use food to make me feel better. Oh, and I also use food just to stay awake. It is a huge problem. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll really ever be free from it. It is an addiction of the worst kind.
I’ve tried many different “diets” over the years. I’ve lost quite a bit of weight on some of them….but the weight always creeps back on. I just can’t seem to get this monkey off my back.
I’ve never really talked about my monkey publicly. I guess that it’s hard to admit that you have an addiction. I’m wondering if this might be the key to keeping me accountable for my actions. I need to go through all 12 steps, I imagine.
So, step one: admit you have a problem. I do. I really really do.
Ken Said:
on February 22, 2011 at 10:52 pm
I blame Dr Laura Schlessinger for a lot of my problems and it sometimes helps
I used to sit in my car eating two McDonald’s cheeseburgers listening to her radio show during my lunch breaks. So now I’m admitting that besides food, I indulge in right-wing radio. I make up for it by reading the Huffington Post.
whew, ok, sorry, was just leaving a comment to say that I FEEL for you. I have found that if I eat a lot of protein in the mornings my cravings aren’t AS bad. I also took a picture of my flabby body and look at it for inspiration. But don’t go overboard, we all deserve a Twinke now and then.
ittybittyblogger Said:
on February 23, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Oh Ken…..I miss you! I remember when you were a big Dr. Laura fan. Too funny.
I am trying to stick to 4 rules: 1) eat whatever I want 2) eat when I am hungry, but only when truly hungry 3) eat consciously, enjoy every bite, eat slowly 4) stop when I am full
Sounds simple, right? It’s worked for me before, but I slipped when I got pregnant and had a nervous break down. It takes a lot of “meditation” and really thinking about your hunger. I usually rate my hunger on a scale of 1 to 10. I can only eat something if my hunger is in the 5 to 7 range. If I wait till 8, 9, or 10….it’s all over. 1, 2, 3, or 4 is just emotional.
Let’s see if I can do this again, huh?
Katie Said:
on March 1, 2011 at 4:04 pm
Oh Andrea…you know we all love you because of your great personality and for the person you are. Just remember…nobody is perfect…even those skinny biotches who look like they are:)
Char Said:
on March 3, 2011 at 12:00 am
Hello Cuz Katie is right we all love you for who you are! Keep your head up your a wonderful person. I some times feel the same way about the way that I look. i also want to lose weight and I cant stop eating I have tried to diet and I cant. I last maybe a week or to. I love ya and if you lives closer to me I would go to the gym with you i need a gym buddy. Just remember who you are:)